Breakin... Breakin... Breakin' Me Down

God has only asked me for one thing. It’s a call I’ve heard so many different times in so many different ways. It is still only one call. He wants my full surrender… my total dependence on Him.

One thing I have noticed about God is that He is very well aware of all the things that remain as obstacles in my life… all the things that keep the goal of full surrender from being accomplished. And, He continues to work to break down those hurdles.

He is breaking me down to submission. He does this not because He is mean and not because He likes to see me suffer. He does this because He knows what is best for me. He is best for me. My complete submission to Him is best for me. It pains Him to see me put other things and people before Him. He loves me too much to watch me build on the sand… to build on the temporary. He knows it will hurt me in the end. So, He uses circumstances and words to urge me to build on the Rock where my hopes and dreams will not be washed away… where my trust is not in vain.

I think the obstacles for all of us are different. The self-imposed barriers to God’s grace for all of us are different. But, they are equally tough in removing. And, so God continues His work… His refining process in all of our lives to bring us to complete submission.

In my life, God knows I am a people-person. He knows that even before fame or academic achievement, I want friendship. I want people to like me. I have made it the number one priority in my life many times. And, God knows this drive keeps me from Him. So, He is willing to break me of this bad habit of putting my trust in the wrong places. His weeding process is sometimes painful. He humbles me. He watches as I build and watches as my house built on others crashes. He watches me try to build it again. And, He is willing to watch my house be destroyed by the winds and rains of life until I build on Him. As long as it takes, He will wait it out. He waits for me to finally learn from my mistakes.

In my life, God knows I long for the companionship of a girlfriend… for a wife. I am not content many times… most times because of that. If I was honest with myself and others, I know a huge part of me feels incomplete because that is not a part of my life. This attitude pains the heart of God. He created me for Him. I should feel complete in my Lord’s presence. He should complete me. And, I know that until I finally rest comfortable in serving Him and only Him… until my entire joy and self-fulfillment comes from serving Him, He will not bless me with an earthly companion. God will not take backseat to an object of my desires. He will not settle for being number two.

And, so I worship Him because He is my God. I seek to learn these lessons and to be devoted to Him. I cannot tell God He is number one in order to receive His blessings of friendship and companionship. I cannot fool Him, because He is God. He knows my heart. He knows my true motives. I have to mean what I say. I have to mean it when I say, “God, all I want, all I ever need, my entire heart’s desire is living out Your will for my life.” God, help me. You are the answer to my loneliness. You repeat this to me over and over again.

Help for the Brokenhearted

Throughout my life, I have had the opportunity to encounter lots of different types of people... small and big, happy and sad, overachievers and underachievers. But one group of people has captured my heart... the lonely. At youth camps, schools, grocery stores, and the local park, I can spot them when most people can't. (Those that have moments of loneliness have become very adept at masking those feelings and being the life of the party.) It is to those that I dedicate this webpage.

We don't even like to mention the word loneliness because the word connotation isn't positive in our society today. Even telling a friend that you feel lonely is seen as wimpy and desperate. But it is okay to confess it. Millions of people today battle this silent plague. Loneliness comes in many shapes and forms. It's the teenager who sits at home struggling over the loss of a girlfriend or the breakup with a boyfriend. It's the adolescent who sits in front of the computer and phone hoping someone will communicate. It's the young adult who prays for friends to share with but pushes the same friends away because of fear they will walk away like those before. It's the parent who mourns the family that once existed. And, the list goes on... jocks who rule their school but secretly feel heartache when they go home and realize that their popularity is all superficial... successful students and business people who pour themselves into academics or their careers because they feel inadequate in the pursuit or maintenance of true friendships and relationships... pastors, teachers, and counselors who give, give, give while they themselves feel empty inside.

I could share more, but you know who you are. I have spent a great portion of my life battling this aggressive foe. Being preached at to find complete healing and fulfillment in God, however true, seems hard to do. And sometimes, at our weakest moments of hurting flesh, it seems so inadequate. Being obsessive and compulsive in some aspects of life doesn't make this fear and hurt lessen. Running away from those who may, by drawing close to us and disappointing us once more, make the arrow strike deeper into our wound only causes the seclusion and isolation that is felt grow worse.

So, I share this site with you. I pray for you. This is a place that you can find comfort in sharing and encouraging others. This is where those who googled "loneliness" because it is a rough night and no one is answering the phone can find true peace once and for all.

My hope has come from God. I rest knowing that there is a promise land of awesome relationships and promises waiting for me in the years to come if I walk through this desert. I grow strong as Christ becomes a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Do not give up. Never give up. Hope lies just around the corner.